"Get up, Grow up & Grow your own fields!"- Why you must come alive, Live again & rediscover passion after disappointments.

Love is meaningless where there is no mutual expression. The fullness of expression of love from one party without an equal return from the other party soon lead to resentment, dejectedness, and all sorts of ill-feelings. We live in a world where nothing is complete without the power of love. Yet, life is full of people who loves power. To love is give up and lay down. To be in love is to be open and vulnerable. However, some people take this for granted. They tend to weird power over others who have given up all for the sake of love. When you are in any relationship and you have given too much to it, you feel cheated when the other party begins to use your vulnerability and openess against you. When someone you held so dear begins to take you for granted, when the one who has been given the power to your heart begins to change all of a sudden against you.

When you are head over heels in love, and s/he knows this that you have already said all that is in your heart unto him/her like Samson did to Delilah; the pretty lady who betrayed him...Or like Essau who was betrayed by Jacob his blood brother.
The one you love may not hate you but s/he has become corrupted. Greed and evil has been allowed. Love has been perverted. Your lover is now malfunctioning. S/he has become corrupted like a virus-eaten-file on an operating system of your computer. You just have to understand that. Many people don't like to hear this. They dont want to come to terms with the fact that they are about to be jilted or that they have been kicked out already. The reason why s/he is doing what s/he is doing to you is because she has come to see how so weak and dependent on him/her you have become. People are alike all over the world. You can not solely depend on people as though, they have all what you need for living. Human being are limited. They cannot fill the emptiness inside of you. Only God can do that. The love for power is ever present over the power of love. The power to love and give is easily corrupted by the love for power and lust.

So, how can you get yourself back? How can you get your heart back from him/her? How do you get back to the track? Firstly, you need to rediscover who you are. You need to get back to your source. You must go back to the beginning. You must not be afraid to start all over again. You need to look in , in order to go on and reach out. You must examine yourself to see your real potentials in God. What you carry on your inside? Who you really are? You need time in order to allow that emptiness in you to be refilled. You need to change yourself, since you cannot change him/her. That vacuum in you must be filled by God. Since, men and women have let you down. God will not let you down. You need to get back to the one who never takes advantage of people. When you are open to Him, He will help you. That God is a person who also understand your feelings. He is God who created the person who has broken your heart.

When people see that you have not lost yourself to them as they thought, they usually feel sober. When people see that you can take charge of your life, when they see that you are capable of standing alone without them; they are oftentimes humbled.
They are human. They are not God. Many times, people need to be reminded of this. In marital relationships, business relationships and friendships...I understand that this is an emotional issue. I know this is not going to be easy. I know that it is painful. I can sense that it's a soul tie. And it is not easy to untie oneself. I know you can't get out so quickly. However, it is not impossible. You can do it. It will be possible to get your heart back if you are going to be determined to get back on your feet and make him/her realise that s/he is not God. If you will be strong for yourself such that s/he will see you and be ashamed of the evil s/he has done. If you will be strong such that s/he will come back and beg you on his/her kneels when you have chosen to live again rather than die within.

If you change your mind, read books, seek counsels and mingle with good people, make new friends. S/he will stop feeling cool because you will make him see that although you made yourself appear as if you cannot survive without him/her but now, you have gotten over it. If you will start to focus on something new, something fresh, something different...if you will give yourself to a noble cause. If you will be more focused on your dreams. If you will start to help other people who are in distress. If you will get the focus off you to others. If you will redirect your energies from self to others. If you look out for those in need; if you will help others who will never repay you. Then you will regain your power, you get energized, strengthened and confident. Your self esteem will return. And the universe will bring what you have lost back to you in multiple folds. Due to the fact that you involved with challenging causes, you will make new friends who will love you for who you are. You will earn trust and have not just one friend or two but many new friends, who will be celebrated by valuable people. You will begin to see that, out there, there are treasures in other people that you will no longer idolize just one individual who has disappointed you. Never forget that the best revenge is not trying to get even when people hurt you. Rather, the best revenge is to always get back on your feet. It is in how you always get your life back, it is in how quickly you can put your life in order! You can rediscover your passion, come back to life, live again, start afresh, become aware and disapoint your disappointments.

Happy Birthday to me!-Birthday reflections.

I hardly remember people’s birthday. So, I don’t expect gifts on mine. (Laughs) don’t mind me. I laugh at my self sometimes. I hope you aren’t mad at that. Yes! Today is my birthday. And I rejoice… Come to think of it. I have been so favored. I appreciate the grace that has brought me thus far. I acknowledge that I was not smarter, better or stronger. It was the Grace of God that came to me in my lowest estate. It was because there was a good God somewhere. He is the one who sees. He saw me just like Hagar the mother of Ishmael, the maid of Sarah had recalled: “the God who sees…” God saw me where I was; there I was lying down on my back, so weak and helpless. He saw my frail body dying. He saw me-a young man, He saw one nobody, one helpless man whose heart was crying for help. When He saw the “sincerity” of my struggles and the reaction of men based on their heart that is desperately wicked; He had mercy. I was struggling and He has decided to have mercy on me. I understand that this is not fair because there are some other people who have been more diligent, faithful than me. They are doing much more. I figured that It’s not in the doing but the in His Grace. I am just a product of mercy and grace. And that is the only thing that has distinguished my life from others. My joy and boast is therefore in the Lord. In points of fact, the Lord loves me in spites of me. He chose to preserve my soul to see today…And I say thank you Lord Jesus; thank you sweet Holy Spirit. I thank you Lord God. All the glory must be to you oh my Father, my friend and my God. I just wonder where I would have been without you…probably missing, dead and lost! But lo! I was found by Grace and Truth. I’ve been rescued by Truth.
I’ve been talking about my God for some time. Do I need to introduce my own God? Because I figured that there are several kinds of gods these days. And North America and Africans can boast of million gods. My God is the God of Heaven and Earth who sent Jesus to this World to die for the sins of men over 2000 years ago…As I rolled back in my mind all that I have been through and who I have come across. I remember you who are reading these lines. You are most precious to me than anyone. Why? -Because you appreciate me and my thoughts enough to read my works. Although, I may never know you intimately; I may never have been so close to you. I may not have understood your struggles. I may no longer be a part of your life; I may have fallen from among your friends, old or new. I may have been dropped from the list of your favorite friends. I may just be your acquaintance. It doesn’t matter. I appreciate the fact that you are here.
As I clocked another year today; I have decided to take an inventory of my life. In taking stock, I realized how I have really changed over the years. Some of you can confirm this. [Laughs] Somehow, some of these changes were not good enough for some people. [Oh! Me! How I can be so weird?] Sorry, they were good for me. They were changes that have come with a price. Most of them were not without tears. Somehow, the tears were not only found in my own eyes but in the eyes of my families. Although, the power of my decisions may have brought tears to the eyes of others; they have brought more than that to mine. In retrospect, it has been worth it in all. So far, I have nothing to regret... I give God all the glory for that. Even my mistakes are becoming more of miracles in guise. I have unavoidably lost good friends. I have unexpectedly found greater friends. I have been despised, I have been tolerated but I have also been more celebrated. It’s true that families have no choice. They are destined to remain as a part of you. I have realized that your true friends will still stay with you come what may… just as Ticks fall off the cattle’s back on fields; there will be some displacement of some relationships. Success and failure have a way of redefining us. For me, that has happened and it is happening daily. Successes have a way of shrinking or enlarging our circle of friends. Those who are not meant to be in your life will leave you whether you like it or not. Hmn …it’s so sad to lose people right? -Especially if you are like me, who believe in relationships…how I love to keep my friends both old and new. Most of the times, I keep them in my heart more than they can ever imagine. I hardly forget people. Not even their simple deeds. They are all in my heart more than on my lips. Somehow, I realized that some friends love to be kept on the lips through lies and flattery. Too bad, I am not good at that.
As I flipped back in my mind to my past; I think its okay to say happy birthday to me. Whew! It’s been a very long drive here. Wait. Just before you think I am trying to feel cool with myself; I have not yet arrived. But I am glad I am on the right path. Sometimes, the joy that comes from realizing that one is pursuing a right course in itself can be as satisfying as having reached the goal indeed… I am always stretching, moving, aspiring to be better than where you saw me yesterday. I daresay that i have been shaped by my family and friends. My mum has played a very great role. My wife took over from her. And she is playing her own role already. My siblings have taught me to strive so that we can all break down the limitations together. You will never believe this: that those who dislike me most have even taught me more lessons than those who love me. They taught me humility, to rethink my actions, to be more careful with my next decisions, to be focused (perhaps they may change their mind about me), they taught me to be diligent. And above all, they have taught me to chant the lines of an animated cartoon character in Lion King- Simba- “Acuna matata”.it means don’t worry for the rest of your days…So, according to that African proverb that: it takes a whole community to raise a child indeed. Although, 31st August is my birth date; I am not freaked by it. I have never been a birthday person. It’s not in my culture to celebrate my birthdays. Rather I celebrate projects. I try to paint a beautiful artwork, write a book, shoot a video, get a manuscript published or even join some other people on their projects. Let’s push it to completion. For this year’s birthday, I have chosen to simply blog this long entry.
For me, life has been in multiples. I have been writing, speaking and studying for some time. Recently I got married. I have more responsibilities. In a way, my life has been so full of activities as usual. To me; life is like living in different multiple worlds at the same time. Words are not enough to describe them all. We are juggling several balls together at the same time. If you have been there, you will realize how it can be so funny. People exit and enter into these multiple worlds like they are moving in and out of their bed to washroom or from their bedroom to their kitchen, or living room. And then they rush to school, enter their classroom from where they end up in all kinds of rooms! It’s like travelling… I understand that we often experience the same things, issues, challenges. We all aspire to be better, to become successful, and to be significant and great. We are sometimes challenged by the same things. These provocations of our souls, these doubts, these challenges are all tools with which we are shaped for greatness. I daresay that you are going to get there if you stay on course. Therefore, don’t worry concerning the confusion, or the complexities of your life. As much as you can, try to appreciate diversity, embrace tolerance, avoid factions. Just believe in the commonality of man all over the world... we are all united, divided souls…we are united by the same mystery of death, challenged by the world poverty and the imbalance of world’s wealth distribution. We are faced by the same weather and climate depending on where you live, how you feel and what you see. We're like a unity of spirit. We are alliance of one thing. At the same time, we are somewhat different. We are all unique. We are combination of more than one soul, we all merged into one. We are more than one divided souls. We are never divided but by our interests, race, culture, environment and destinations. Nevertheless, we are connected by destiny.

Journeys of life…

Journeys are passage of time in life;
They create in us some new but old.
They take from us and give to us
they take us all through place and poles with people,
Where river over stones flow.
We roll, we flow; we stroll and cross some distance.
We break the chasms of great life barriers.
We bud in bits, in beings,
Amazing! we're different;
from whence we came from?
We grow; we glow, we gloat.
we bud like buds in buddings.
We race; we reign, and age,
We date, we dazed and we're dazed.

Entering lives and hives,
Entering hives like time,
Getting stung amidst more
We’re stung by life,
accidents leave us different
Different incidents leave us different
We meet the best, we part as friends,
we meet the best, the beasts, and the bees.
Life experience weave us a story,
Some experiences leave us so battered,
Some experiences leave us far better,
But none of all our experience leaves us the same.
Some makes us bitter,
Some makes us better
Some get us butter
we sting as Bee
Some stung as Bees

Some lead to love,
they leaves us fatter.
Some lead to lust,
they leave us fagged out.
We live in life, to own, to owe and old.
We love to hide and side
we love to live. We live to love.
We’re lost in love and love some song.
We long to love; and won for love.
We're lost in love, we long to live;
We lost from lust to love again.
Forever like Bees,
our lyrics as smokes, aflame
From hearts of aches and pains,
Our hope, for host,
They spring from hearts
Like plants we rise
We sprouts at dawn,
We weave for light and weep for People
Who come and go, with memories
They linger in all our hearts.

HOW TO GET THINGS DONE WITHOUT SPENDING CASH [Part 3]

I learnt some of these principles I am about to share from my mother. Like so many people, my background and upbringing have shaped me. There are certain things we just pick up in growing up. There are certain principles we didn’t even read from books but which we are now writing into books. My mum likes to get things done without spending too much of cash. If she has to spend at all, she would prefer to pay a fair amount. She got a lot of things done so cheap! When I read her life like a book; I discovered that she knows how to make friends easily. She can make friend with a stranger in a blink! In getting her things done; she persuades people. Sometimes, it can be embarrassing because she will just apply this principle on anyone at anywhere. She just doesn’t care what you think of her.

Enough on my mother! If I ask you to take an inventory of your life right now, if you were to make a list of all your previous transactions, all the deals you’ve ever involved in. Is there anything you can find that you have bought that you could have gotten for free? What got in your way? Could it be your ego, Pride, class, or status? What were the things you bought recently? How much did you spend on each? Who could you have spoken to, that may have given you one or two of those items for free? Who in your network is able to give you things you may need next time? How will you prepare yourself, how will you package your request? Do you know how to deliver a speech delivery in order to make your request granted? Do you know what to do so that the other party will not say no to you?

The problem sometimes is in how we package our words...it is in how we ask what we ask for. Yes, I still make a mistake in this area myself. For instance, I ask hurriedly, I ask when my target is too stressed. I asked when my giver has nothing to give in some situation. I don’t wait patiently enough for the person to process my request positively. Sometimes I even want it right now! I could have asked for things that I have not earned enough trust to receive. Every now and then; I get into bumps like these and I get a no because I asked amiss. Sometimes, when we ask different things consistently from the same person, the person may feel overburdened and overwhelmed by our series of requests. That is why our approach matters. I am still learning how well to ask without getting a no from people. It may mean that I will need to become better at my negotiation skills. It may mean that I will have to stop asking desperately. It may mean that I will find a common ground. It may mean that I will need to think win-win more than ever before. It may mean that I will have to learn how my request will benefit the other party before I even make that request at all. That way, it will be a super win-win deal for us both.

Summarily, there are three vital aspects of getting things done without spending cash:
#1. Negotiation
#2. Speech delivery,
#3. Relationship

Negotiation: Here, we are concerned with details of the cost. What is the price? What is the amount required to get that thing done? What is the bargaining power involved? What is the amount on you as a potential buyer with which you want to trade? What is the flat rate? What is the industry price? Your target here is never to provoke the other party because you want to get things done for free or cheap.

Speech delivery: Here we want to know how to say what we want to say. What are the ways to package our words in such a way that it will be appealing to the listener? How can we avoid asking like a beggar? Sometimes, depending on the situation at hand; I will literarily beg the other person if I know that I have not been able to earn trust up to that time. We are concerned with the time that we must ask and the moments we don’t have to ask especially if for any reason the other person is biased, angry, et.al. When do we stop begging and start asking like we are actually making a fair offer? When do we start asking like we are trying to help the other party? It is in being flexible, sensitive enough to know the right time, the right mood, the right person, the understanding of the temperament before asking. When in transaction or negotiation, it is important to know what it means to be a great word processor, what it means to be a better speech packager. The writer of the book written to the Colossians wrote: “Let your words be seasoned with salt and grace that you might know how to answer every man accordingly.”

Relationship: Here we concerned about who we are dealing with? How long have we known the fellow? What have you done personally for the person? Were they things that count as great deposit in terms of their emotional bank account? Sometimes we think we have earned enough trust in a relationship but we are only presumptuous and full of assumptions because the other party don’t see things the same way. We need to understand what kind of person we are dealing with? We need to know what makes the person tick. We must find out what puts them on and off? Understanding how to earn trust. It will make us have access to people and with people. And that access is very important. Once it is abused. There is no remedy. And that is the thing that determines if people will do things for you for free or not. I would rather beg if I knew that I don’t fall into a person’s good book, rather than become so forceful in my request. If you don’t want to continue receiving a negative response in getting things done for free; you need to pay more attention to your relationships and how you ask. Queen Esther knew how to ask and when to ask for the lives of the Jews from the king Ahasuerus; when Hamman, a certain officer wanted to destroy them.

The relationship you create, nurture and sustain will bring everything to you for free. The bond we have with someone will determine if we will be able to get things done through them for free. So you may want to ask: what is bond or bonding? How do we create that? A bond is when the chemistry becomes one in any relationship. When your personality, ideology, perception, paradigm, perspective, principles, beliefs and sometimes behaviour; seem aligned with another person’s. Then you are able to relate better. Then we can say that there is a bonding between you both.

I am still learning how to make friends and influence people every day. I learnt from Dale Carnegie's book some principles of creating relationship. However, I have learnt over the years how important it is, to keep and sustain these relationships I create. I also discovered that in trying to keep relationships, not all relationships are worth keeping. Some like bread grow moulds and they can't be kept. In so doing, I have learnt how to sustain friendship with only people that matter to my destiny and life callings. I have learnt in a hard way how to let go of difficult people from my network. The reason is because you cannot carry everybody in the course of your life. That will sap you of energy if you are trying to carry difficult people along at all cost. Some people are opinionated; there are prejudiced people. There are biased, parochial people. There are racist. There are difficult people. These are people you will never be able to form any bonding with. They wouldn’t understand you. No matter how much you try. They won’t give you the benefits of the doubt, so why try?